Daily Prompt: Comfort Zone

Daily Prompt: Comfort Zone.

Well, I used to be very very routine because I was on a schedule. I worked everyday all day long and had to because I was a single mom. Not saying I am not a single mom now but this is a different time now. Now I am on disability and I don’t work. I miss working to tell you the truth. Why, you are probably wondering…well, several reasons but mostly because I had a schedule. I try my hardest now to keep a schedule and I fail miserably now for. I am still a single mom but now I struggle every day to keep some kind of order in my home.

That’s why I am glad I am going to be starting school in the fall, so that maybe soon I can get some kind of order back in my home. It sounds sad but if that’s the only way to get order so be it!!!

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Daily Prompt: Ghostwriter

Daily Prompt: Ghostwriter.

Unfortunately I am not a reader…what does that mean?? I am not up with to date with name of authors.. Sorry Folks!! I wish I could rattle off names of famous authors like I read other bloggers name off these famous authors left and right but lets get serious. I am just not into reading books. I actually have a book sitting right next to my bed side currently and for the life of me I can not get myself to sit down and read it. Maybe its my learning problem or whatever but I would love to sit down with a glass of wine and knock out a book or two like my oldest does or even my brother does. But for some reason my interest does not span far enough to make or allow me do it. Maybe as I get older things will change. Does anyone have any suggestions on good authors?? Cause let me tell ya..My life..Definately worth a good writing time…trust me…lol

Daily Prompt: Erasure

Daily Prompt: Erasure.

Well, as a matter of fact there are two times I would like to erase from my life and those were when I had some issues with the law due to my mental state. Now before you start getting all wierded out. If weirded out is a word or not, I am not sure but for this purpose it is going to be..lol.. Back in 2009 I was having a rough time, I had just been evicted and it was just my oldest and myself and we had put majority of our whole life into storage and I was faced with the realization of not knowing where or what I was doing. I felt like I had failed as a parent, tho it wasn’t my fault completely. I had left my trust in an ex-boyfriend because we were still friends and he promised because I wasn’t able work due to my back(this was before my 1st surgery) and he completely lied and failed me. So I was at the stage of not knowing where I was going to live and had no vehicle at that particular moment until I went and had to beg my father for help. I had to give in and my last resort was my father knowing there would be a lecture, so I sucked it up and was ready for it. Fast forward, a friend came to my rescue and found me a place to live. At this time I didn’t know I was bipolar and ended up having a manic episode and got into some trouble. I don’t care to go into detail but I owned up to my mistakes and shortly after found a doctor and was diagnosed with bipolar.

Now, Fast forward again to Feb 2012, right before my 2nd surgery I had another manic episode and figured out that I wasn’t on the correct medication and was stressed out and blacked out per say and got into trouble again. Now this time they weren’t as nice but it could have been worse. I have since then figured out my pattern of manic episodes, got on the correct medications and doses and truly learned my lesson and owned up to my mistakes.

If I could erase those moments from my life I so badly would because they haunt me everyday of my life. It was not me who did those things or the way I was raised and I know what I did was wrong but when someone with a mental illness has bipolar like I do, especially when they not properly treated and several things stacked against them, they don’t realize what they are doing and to control urges like a normal person is mearly impossible. I have learned to live and accept what I did in the past and if people cant accept what I did well, all I can say is oh well cause then you don’t understand that it wasn’t the real me doing those things. If you can understand that point.

Daily Prompt: Fantasy….. a fun and harmless fiction, or a pointless justification for lying to children?

Daily Prompt: Fantasy.

 

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This was from a couple days ago but I wanted to get this into my blog because this is a prompt that is actually a true thing in my life. Ok, so Ill explain!! When I was a little child I remember going to my Grandmothers house every Christmas eve and having all my family there including relatives we only saw but once a year, a gorgeous tree decorated by my grandma with a train that was in the family for years and the joy in everyone face as you would walk thru the door. The most important thing about that night tho was the family tradition we started when my brother (who was the oldest) was just a tiny thing and it followed thru to the rest of the kids in the family, all the way to when my daughter was 6 -7 and now the rest of my family carries the tradition on because my grandmother has since past on and my daughter has figured out the big family secret. Getting back to those nights, after we all would finish dinner and it would be dark enough, my father in his own chair would announce to us kids that he believed he thought he heard Santa and the reindeer might be in the area!!! All us kids would run up stairs and go from bedroom to bedroom to bathroom, my dad would frequently yell to us, “Can we see Rudolph’s red nose?” and so on and so forth!! All of a sudden my dad would yell…Hey kids…I think I hear something, ya better come down and see if you can see him, so we would race down to see if one of us could get a look and he would pop up in the picture window for all of us to see him!! We would scream and someone would run to the door to open it for him… There was always a chair set out for him and my dad always had the same thing planned to say to Santa, “So hows the weather and hows Rudolph doing. Would ya like a drink or have ya had a little too much eggnog at the different houses??” Santa would HO-HO-HO then sit down with his big red bag in hand. We all would eagerly sit as close as we could to him waiting for him to pick just us to help him hand out gifts and be his special one!!! I always wondered as I got older and teased at school why someone at that particular time had to go and get ice, but my will to believe in Santa was stronger and I didn’t care what people at school said. In my eyes he was real and that was all that mattered. I am not sure exactly how old, maybe 11 or 12 when I finally gave in a figured out that Santa wasn’t real anymore but then it was even more fun because I knew something that I felt made me cool, I was just like the adults. Since it was my brother and me at that time who knew the truth and I had cousins younger than me who still believed in Santa, it was now my responsibility to play along for the other kids. I was in heaven…lol…I still didn’t know all the ins and outs about it but that was okay, in my eyes it was still special to see the younger ones believe in him. I can still remember my best friend at that time saying to me when we were kids, Santa isn’t real, its just one of your family members dressing up and playing the part. I remember saying to her and sternly saying it almost swearing to it, “shut up, you don’t know what you are talking about. Everyone in my family is there, no one is dressed up as Santa and So and so is getting ice at the store. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I sit back and just smile to myself about it and how serious that 11 year old girl was standing in my friends living room with my hand on my hip waving my finger at her..lol.. The things you remember from your childhood. Yet I cant remember something 3 days ago, but I remember that almost 20 years ago. Funny how the mind works.

When I became pregnant with my daughter there were no more kids left to do the Santa tradition anymore, so my grandma had made a comment about how she was actually gonna miss going thru the whole production and all, she was in her 80’s at that time and a full blooded German lady…Bless her heart, tho cranky at times. I remember telling her that just think you wont have to worry about the family tradition going down the tubes anymore and she said, “Well, Why? I went on to tell her she was about to get her very first Great Grand well I knew it was going to be a girl, we just had to wait til she was born and I told her the best part, was that ~J~ would be born in time for Christmas so there wouldn’t be a year in over 20 years straight that would be missed. I was right, J, was born 2 weeks before Christmas and while J didn’t understand what was going on, we still kept up with Tradition. We also had the family tradition each year at Easter that my Uncle would go and hide so many plastic eggs for us kids and then each year as we got older he would reduce one egg until we hit 16 and then we couldn’t find anymore eggs. Well, the problem when we were kids was that The Easter Bunny would occasionally forgot at that moment where he hid who’s egg and where so often times it took us hours to find all of our eggs. Tho he never did learn until my Grandmother had passed on and he moved to a new house that he was to write down where he hid the eggs. Well, by that time he was only hiding eggs for one person and much fewer eggs. Tho it was always a lot of family fun and those are the memories you never forget and treasure always. We just tease him always as Easter rounds if he wants to do an Easter egg hunt and if he wants to remember it purely by memory or not. To his luck he hasn’t had to do a hunt in several years…lol

 

 

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With That being said!!! In my family, I think it is a fun and harmless fiction…A harmless fib If you will!!! I don’t believe it is a pointless justification for lying to your children because in my family we have several family traditions that we hold dear to our hearts and have been going on for decades.

My oldest daughter ~J~ has already figured out that Santa, The Easter bunny and The Tooth Fairy don’t exist and I feel I was a good mom because it took her til she was almost 12 to figure it out, meaning I did a good job allowing her to stay a kid for that much longer. These days of cell phones, computers, and whatnot kids are not staying children as long as we did anymore. So if I am able to create something that allows my child to stay a child for a few years longer…Your right I am going to do whatever I can to keep her my baby(with in reason). I mean really what harm did it cause, her to receive a few more presents, a couple more dollars, Family memories to treasure and valued time no one can bring back?

Now she is super excited!!! She gets to be the big girl when it comes to her sister, she gets to hold the secrets to the all mighty Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny and when the time comes…Mom is definantly going to let her big one to hand out the money as the Tooth Fairy!!! She doesn’t know that yet but hey a mom has to keep some secret right?? lol…hehe

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Daily Prompt: Seven Days

Daily Prompt: Seven Days.

What would I do…hmmm, first I would absolutely freak and just start jumping up and down screaming and yelling!!!…wooohooo…wooohooo…Yay me!!! okay so now I have come back to reality and calmed down a bit. Now its to figure out what I should do with this money. First and foremost my girls…Shopping spree…I am on a diet so shopping for me is out of the question..well, maybe a new purse would be great..A new purse cant hurt anyone..

Jc Penny’s here we come… Then of course I am catching up on past bills…why not right, why shouldn’t I pay off past bills with the money that just showed up… There will be plenty. Then its off to the grocery store to do some much needed grocery shopping and have fun buying things usually never bought. Target here I come to buy some things for the house like bake ware and maybe a new can opener, I dont know but Im off to do some shopping and oh yeah some office supplies…

That was fun thinking of the things I could do………..maybe one day it will come true..but in reality..I could really use a new kitchen table..mine is on its last leg…anyone know where I can get a cheap one???

 

Daily Prompt: No, Thanks

Daily Prompt: No, Thanks.

A place in the world I would never want to visit is any country with extreme poverty where kids are involved. The fact that I am able to take care of my girls I am so very thankful and in no way to for granted but to go and see a mom or a dad not being able to take care of their babies, I just can’t handle that. The only thing that really gets me if they are capable and able to take care of their babies and for whatever reason they choose other things over their babies, that my friends is unacceptable. There are so many people in the world that would die for babies of their own and can’t have them for whatever reason and people just take it for granted.

Even here, both men and women often choose the wrong decision and put their children last and that is not fair. It is not fair to the kids to be put in that situation for any reason. I know it has been going for years and will continue to go on years regardless of my opinion but it is my own opinion.

 

Daily Prompt: Places

Daily Prompt: Places.

Well, I thought about this one for a long time, a long long time and well I came up with…anywhere with my babies is fine with me. Sure I would love to live on the beach on some island far away but then I am dreaming and I dream enough. lol. Places are where my baby girls are and I am happy right there. As long as I can provide for my girls and have a roof over their heads then I am one happy momma. I do have one wish that I could be where the weather was warmer, maybe a warmer state like Arizona, you know where it is cheap enough to live because I have a cute story and I am not sure if many people would understand this but to me it makes sense. In my mind..lol, I went on a vacation with my oldest daughter when she was around 2 1/2 to visit her Grandparents who live in Arizona. Well, we can leave the traveling stories for another day cause we would be here for a long long time!!! When we arrived in Arizona and unpacked we decided to sit outside on the patio for awhile to unwind and relax and let my little one just run wild… That she did and she had a blast!!! Happy mommy I sure was, but I just sat there and took in the moment and thought to myself, “wow, this is like a dream, its just too perfect.” Now, I can’t explain to you why that thought came to me but coming from Wisconsin where things are usually well..dirty and wet…Do you get the difference in how I could think between well, perfect and well, not so perfect. Anyways, That night as we (my daughter and I) headed to the guest house and they headed to the house, I happen to make the comment well aren’t you going to bring in the chairs? Now, if you know anything about Arizona…It rarely rains so that was what they call an oxymoron…lol..Boy I felt rather silly for the comment. It was okay cause we all got a good giggle and they are both from the Wisconsin area so they understood what I meant. lol..

On the other hand, last summer we took a family trip out to Boston, Baby…It was awesome, let me tell ya…We actually went twice and was worth both times…I would love to live there but it is way too expensive to live there…Looking it to other places around the Boston area tho…Like Salem area..right on the Massachusetts and the New Hampshire line…Tho New Hampshire is a nice area and they have no sales tax so that is a good aspect…Shopping here we come…lol…There are draw backs to New Hampshire tho so no on that one…but always good to visit…Maybe Massachusetts is in the future who knows but this mamma is happy where ever her girls are. That’s what is what counts to me!!!

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