Well, as a matter of fact there are two times I would like to erase from my life and those were when I had some issues with the law due to my mental state. Now before you start getting all wierded out. If weirded out is a word or not, I am not sure but for this purpose it is going to be..lol.. Back in 2009 I was having a rough time, I had just been evicted and it was just my oldest and myself and we had put majority of our whole life into storage and I was faced with the realization of not knowing where or what I was doing. I felt like I had failed as a parent, tho it wasn’t my fault completely. I had left my trust in an ex-boyfriend because we were still friends and he promised because I wasn’t able work due to my back(this was before my 1st surgery) and he completely lied and failed me. So I was at the stage of not knowing where I was going to live and had no vehicle at that particular moment until I went and had to beg my father for help. I had to give in and my last resort was my father knowing there would be a lecture, so I sucked it up and was ready for it. Fast forward, a friend came to my rescue and found me a place to live. At this time I didn’t know I was bipolar and ended up having a manic episode and got into some trouble. I don’t care to go into detail but I owned up to my mistakes and shortly after found a doctor and was diagnosed with bipolar.
Now, Fast forward again to Feb 2012, right before my 2nd surgery I had another manic episode and figured out that I wasn’t on the correct medication and was stressed out and blacked out per say and got into trouble again. Now this time they weren’t as nice but it could have been worse. I have since then figured out my pattern of manic episodes, got on the correct medications and doses and truly learned my lesson and owned up to my mistakes.
If I could erase those moments from my life I so badly would because they haunt me everyday of my life. It was not me who did those things or the way I was raised and I know what I did was wrong but when someone with a mental illness has bipolar like I do, especially when they not properly treated and several things stacked against them, they don’t realize what they are doing and to control urges like a normal person is mearly impossible. I have learned to live and accept what I did in the past and if people cant accept what I did well, all I can say is oh well cause then you don’t understand that it wasn’t the real me doing those things. If you can understand that point.
nevercryoverspilledmilk 